Sun, Smiles and Skirts;

The oxygen of youth,

Never doubting my place on earth,

I didn’t have to be the responsible one.

Parents full of contradictions, and threats to make me comply,

surrounded by relatives who really cared not.

Schools never felt right for me,

So I quietly just accepted my lot.

With no contemplation at night.

 

Givers who gave just enough for a car

but not a livable life,

I glided into adulthood without virginity in sight,

but I had my morals firmly in sight.

Whence now I no longer believe in believing,

because religion was never about fact

My life blueprint continues to unravel

because life is now a matter of fact.

Contemplation only momentarily surfaces if I feel I have a right.

 

What’s this?

The joys of babies screaming

now in contrast to passing eyes.

Tho joys are abundant and seeming,

I eagerly seek my own life.

As nights become mornings,

and I strategically avoid the pot holes of life

I can’t help but think

to contemplate what is right?

 

Now washing the dishes has become fun,

and the cute youngen has become the adult one.

Where once my thoughts were too busy to think,

now my mind is unable to unlink.

Like wearing glasses for the very first time

I now see a doorway I can no longer not find.

Is it not better to focus on others?

For then I can avoid this doorway I shudder to find,

My life now takes more strength to continue

as I contemplate how I can feel this in you.

 

Shaking hands never felt worse,

surely I can stay, contribute another verse?

I accept this reality, its making is not mine,

but I have to be honest here, I still feel 29.

As travelling now sounds like fun,

and the younger generation continues to be no.1,

life is now making it harder for me to continue

all with a shorter use by date.

And as if that wasn’t enough, my mind has declined.

Where’s my keys, where’s my cake, where’s my life?

As a new found routine is thrust upon me,

I can’t help but contemplate how unfair this truly is.

 

Sometimes new memories help pass the time.

I can see futures in some of their lives, oft similar to mine,

But I refrain from warning others, that would be unfair.

My stiff wrinkled hands, my hair as white as snow,

Reading takes longer and urinating is touch and go.

As sleep is difficult, cruelly giving me more contemplation time.

From nappies to nappies, of sorts,

from care to carer of sorts,

my life has come the full circle, except for my mind.

My mind is now in decline.

This is as good as it will ever get.

but the future is not dark, or grim,

my future will let me in, I do not know what that means

my ancestors are now swirling around me now, and telling me its ok.

 

I can see its time to go,

panic, intrigue, fear, sombre, there is no one word for what I’m feeling,

But I still feel.

I think therefore I am has come into new meaning.

Rest is now no longer a choice,

concentrating on breathing has been my main focus.

But now I prepare myself for when I no longer inhale.

The eyes around me, so warm and real,

I wonder what they see, how do they feel?

I want their feelings, but accept my days are gone.

Soon they will be the looking at the view I have now forgone,

When soon we will all be long gone.

And that’s just how it has to be.